"If I don't want fitness is my business": I wrote a book about food, sex and the body

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Eating disorders a common and dangerous problem: according to statistics, the mortality rate from anorexia is higher than from other mental States. But if it is the disorder most seem to be something distant, difficult relationship with food and your own body there are many. We talked with Julia Lapina, a clinical psychologist, author of the book "Body, food, sex and anxiety" (all the royalties the author presented to the children's hospice "the House with the lighthouse"), that affect the nutritional habits and the relationship of the Russians with food, why women are more often dissatisfied with their body, and bodypositive and related myths.

My first profession, oddly enough, an engineer-economist. Own therapy and what I'm in the process have learned about myself and the people who encouraged me to study for a second degree with a clinical bias. Actually, I think that for practical psychology important life experience. Because I had therapy in Switzerland, where I continued to learn Russian diploma did then. I saw how to relate to people and their peculiarities abroad, and it gave me the opportunity to work with people in Russia on a different level.

Many things that we have happening now, Europe has long experienced. If we talk about eating disorders, domestic violence, traumatic childhood experience, where society is different; this happens, but is seen as an exception to the rule. Therefore, methods employed in these countries do not always work on our people, they are designed by people with a different background.

One of his tasks I have seen in adapting working methods to people who, for example, for the first time faced with psychology and psychotherapy. Abroad it is customary sphere. We have even in big cities it is still the exception, and the first steps should be associated with psychosomnium.

The work on the book[править]

The book was born from the blog on Facebook — I started by accident. When I worked in "Intueat" we chose the platform for communication with colleagues. I made an account on Facebook, started sharing ideas, saw that there was a response. When I was in a hundred and twenty fifth time told me that I need to write a book, I thought I would never do that. But then met with the Hope of Kazakova and realized that I just need a Manager with a deadline and the signed contract. Formally, the work took about a year. We agreed that the book would overlap with the blog but will not be a collection of articles. It consists of three parts — the body, food and sex.

Practical history mentioned in the book is very casual, with quotes from anonymous forums. The insights that I had during the sessions, things that divided the people turned to the ideas of the book. But direct quotes and recording sessions — it is very difficult ethically and legally. I know some people do, take a written consent from the clients, then it happens that, having seen it in the text, especially the review, clients are dissatisfied, and it interferes with the therapeutic process. We decided on the idea to depart. It is rather a scientific review — with citations, examples and quotations from anonymous sources.

Of course, in many ways, the book is based on the foreign material and foreign statistics, because Russian intelligence all difficult. We have no government programs to help patients with eating disorders. A textbook of psychiatry Zharikova — the official textbook for medical schools — and about the anorexia there is only one and a half pages. Some of our psychiatrists say that anorexia does not exist and actually is schizophrenia. Statistics, in fact, but it does work sometimes when patients receive other diagnoses.

In the book there is practical advice. To make it practical — so very load, besides all very individually. Sometimes an eating disorder occurs by itself, sometimes it is a symptom of a more complex disorder. But whatever the situation of the person, awareness and understanding of context is an important first step.

The attitude of the body in Russia[править]

When we talk about the situation in other countries, it is difficult to generalize. Besides the fact that there is a huge difference between America and Europe, within Europe there is Italy with the cult of food, and some Nordic countries, where also it is believed that food should be plenty and it should be rich, and then there's England who's obsessed with fitness and healthy lifestyle.

In Russia, everything is not homogeneous. Dare to say that the turbulence that took place with Russia, there was no country in the world. For a short time radically changed the ideology, just a century jolted the country: first, the fall of Imperial Russia, then the first builders of communism, crackdown, war, famine, repression, and then a sudden drop and crash. And all the generations who saw this are still alive. Naturally, this cannot but affect the attitude of the body and ideas about food within the family.

Generally speaking, the first difference of Russia from other countries is a huge difference between generations. People who were born ten, twenty, thirty years ago, very different. Looking for something sustainable, search control much more relevant to us precisely due to the fact that our experience assures that we have something to fear, everything is vague and changeable. The idea of control of food, nutrition, how we look is strengthened where there is especially a lot of trouble — including those triggered by the environment.

On the one hand, our grandparents survived the famine years and many feed their grandchildren, and with another — they are already infected by new fears: what if my daughter or granddaughter will be thick, that is socially unacceptable? Very often there are double messages. When grandma meets granddaughter and says: "Oh, like you've gained weight," and in five minutes he adds: "Sit down, eat pies".

You hope that, having invested money, time and effort, you will receive dividends in the form of love, respect and acceptance, or money, because it will help your career

The first step in the work is the realization. Even just to think about: who am I, what food rule in my family that I was forbidden what was allowed. For example, candy for a child was a taboo, the parents were very afraid that he would eat the sweet. Thus when in kindergarten or school, celebrated a birthday, he ate all of the candy he could ... Prohibition creates desire. The rules by which a person can be very different, but the fear and desire to control anything really occur when there are a lot of chaos at the country level, families, relationships, internally. Cravings and control over eating to soothe the chaos.

Women often face painful to the body, as too long for a woman was a way to exist in this world. She has long been deprived of rights, and it was her only good that it might have something to exchange. And I would consider it is much more than a sexual context — starting with the fact that nice, pretty girl can "suggest" to parents. Is unconditional parental love (and this is quite rare), is how parents look at baby. Both praised the boys? "How nice, you made it!" Both praised the girls? "That's sweet of you!" Devoid of praise, she realizes that something is wrong. Moreover, the appearance of the woman draws the attention of the employer. So, in fact, many of the investments of women in their appearance is in some sense a business. You hope that, having invested money, time and effort, you will receive dividends in the form of love, respect and acceptance, or money, because it will help your career.

Offhand 90% of the women who come to therapy, there are difficulties with the perception of your own body and yourself. The English have a eating disorder and disordered eating — eating disorder and broken relationship with food does not reach clinically significant pattern. Disordered eating is quite common — at least, for example, when a person tries to do a few fasting days on yogurt, and then overeat the sweet. Even if you chose a client and he came to you, for example, with the difficult situation in the family, you suddenly can see that he has control over this chaos there is control of food, the disordered eating. At least a surface knowledge of eating disorders is a must-have for any therapist.

== About blogs and "traditional" media

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Facebook I made just to share thoughts. After I led the group in "Intuit", we wanted to continue to support people with information. In a toxic environment, when the circle rolls the criticism, endless, "prepare the body for the summer" we wanted to have a space that would support the alumni group.

With telegram channel was interesting. First, some things it is easier to explain, especially if you're posting photos that Facebook deems too "Frank". Secondly, it is very interesting from a therapeutic point of view. The fact that Facebook is famous for reviews. I bath only obvious trolls, advertising or rudeness with the transition to the individual. Almost not remove the statements, even if they are very sharp — this is the real world. Delicately dealing with these commentators also important to show them the possibility of constructive dialogue. In addition, responding to their attacks, you help the person to look for arguments in a dispute with the internal voice. But sometimes readers get tired and telegram is great because there you can post without review. The channel is primarily a space for people who either are undergoing treatment or have finished its run, but in need of support, as well as a platform for informational support of the book.

I think that the victory of "traditional" media and blogs is the diversity. Question about media and consciousness difficult. Chicken and egg — what comes first? Is media shape the consciousness or the people ripe to specific processes and media they anticipate and reflect? Where this face: you have something you like, or you have been subconsciously prepared for the fact that you like it?

Before, when there was no Internet, kiosks were glossy magazines: how uphotoshop models in them — and so you'll see the female body. Today and tomorrow will be there glossy blogs, glossy model, fitness blogs, fitness models, people obsessed with their body. The difference is that they will be one of many. Each, having a certain idea, force, time, and talent, can lead your magazine. In the same telegram, we have blogs for different tastes — not only about bodypositive, but also about sexual orientation, cooking, wacky humor or with serious analytical articles. Among them will antibodypositive, but there are plenty of alternatives. I see this as a victory possibilities.

== About bodypositive and tetramine

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It seems to me that 90% of critics of bodypositive bad denounced the idea, in the end, they misunderstood something or stopped for stereotyping. The story about the "promotion of an unhealthy lifestyle" is a stereotype of the past, that to promote easily. Supposedly you say, "You have two hundred loaves," and all. You can't eat them because really don't want to. This is how to promote drinking milk: if you don't like it, it's impossible. The idea of propaganda is the presentation of people as innocent creatures that once something is heard, immediately ran to. Relationship with the body is much more complicated.

Plus the idea of bodypositive that we control the body much less than it seems fitness bloggers. Each person can be in different moments of life with very different body: the aged, plump, skinny. What he would do with it is to wait for a brighter future? And if it never comes back? Life is happening now, and tomorrow may not be. And if all of your energy, time and money spent trying to get rid of wrinkles or cellulite, bodypositive raises the question: if this is such a good investment?

What to do if you already never will be such a body, which was in sixteen years? It is a very sad truth for some, but its acceptance may start a completely different life. The idea that we have complete control over your body, just a bad try, is the propaganda of the diet industry. It is possible to give examples of many women with eating disorders, eating 1200 calories a day and still terribly unhappy with my body. The main message of bodypositive "My body is my business." If I want to lose weight is my business and my responsibility. And similarly, if I say I have other priorities right now than fitness and steamed broccoli, again, this is my business, my responsibility and other people have no right to tell me how it should be.

This is the trap of fatphobia: the question is not about health and not about the norm, and the installation of "your own fault". Instead of help and sympathy from a man pushed

Often say, "it's Okay to be full, if not obesity." Okay, but if it is obesity, what is? First, with a diagnosis of "obesity" is not so simple. He was adopted relatively recently, and the American medical Association has been a great debate. Obesity is more suitable for a symptom than a diagnosis. Headache, which may be hiding brain cancer, migraine, high blood pressure and headache during menstruation. Even turning a blind eye to the fact that the criterion of BMI is a Convention, the questions remain, what is behind the symptom of obesity. From eating disorders to endocrine disorders.

The idea is to reduce obesity to diagnosis, which can only be explained by the fact that you can eat a lot, is a big problem. First, because it's not true. And secondly, because we have to see what happens with the appetite of a person. What makes it is more than its energy needs?

With any other chronic disease, such as multiple sclerosis, we say that it does not fit into the norm, we understand that it happened with a man. As for obesity, there is a very strong point of view that it did not happen with the person, and it was his fault. Although we have no questions for the man who from morning to evening in a disco, drugs and alcohol, but it looks fine. We're not worried about his health. This is the trap of fatphobia: the question is not about health and not about the norm, and the installation of "your own fault". Instead of help and sympathy from the person recede. Okay, we call it a disease — but we put off the man, or looking for the cause? We consider this disease, but we don't refer to it as a disease. We sympathize with the person with cancer, multiple sclerosis, diabetes — but do not show aggression, as we speak, they have obesity. Where aggression rather than sympathy?